September 28, 2001

  • I may not be a very good taoist—if a taoist I be at all.  Oh yes, I studied Chinese and learned to read the Tao Te Ching in its original characters.  Oh yes, I studied calligraphy so as to be able to write those characters most appreciably with exacting fluency.  Oh yes, even now I carry most everywhere my Shambala pocket copy of the Tao.


    Yet though I have appreciated the words and characters, it seems I have failed some most intimate taoist prescriptions.  I now confess: I am not worthy, I am not worthy…at least by this account which puts belief to the test:


    As early as the Eastern Han Dynasty (A.D. 25-220), a school of Taoists created the Yin Taoism which proposed a theoretical basis for immortality through sex. The theory and practice were seized upon by the emperors as the key to longevity, if not immortality. One of the Taoist manuals asserted that the Yellow Emperor became immortal after having had sexual relations with 1200 women and that Peng Tsu, through the "correct way of making love in ten to twenty girls every single night', was able to live to a good old age. Peng Tsu thought it a fine idea to have intercourse with virgins - "He ought to make love to virgins and this will restore his youthful looks. What a pity there are not many virgins available... My late master observed these principles strictly. He lived to 3000 years of age... one cannot achieve one's aim by using one female. One will have to make love to three, nine, or eleven women each night, the more the better."


        From The Illustrated Book Of Sexual Records


    Peng Tsu
    —I am an unworthy student I—
    can’t even hold a match to you.
    How many women you have punged!
    How many virgins o so young!
    3, 9, or 11 at all hours!
    In such hot effusion restoring powers!


    “Live long and prosper.” asserted Mr. Spock.
    But you always knew that was a pot of crock.
    ”Love myriad and live forever!”  I hear you declare.
    And to think I tender in my mind but one affair—
    As if I could survive on but one breath of air!


    O Peng Tsu, with so many penged and flung,
    I’d dare to say here-with-us you are yet among!
    Step forth, lead me in this my dire hour—
    Lest one steamy vixen steal all  my power!


    Peng! Pung! Peng! Pung!
    Well-hung and high-strung,
    To have sprung so upon so many so young!

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