July 14, 2001

  • Nothing profound to say this morning:  I’m off to play with paint.
    In the meantime…
    TecnoFunnies...courtesy of the Wall Street Journal:
     
     Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key  is.


     AST Technical Support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on.  The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
     
     Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.  A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
     
     A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door.  The customer asked the tech to hold on and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door.
     
     Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.  After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician  discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.
     
     Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked.  He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid."  The  tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
     
     A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents.  He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer."  The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
     
     An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on.  After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button.  Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."  You guessed it... the "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
     
     Another customer called Compaq Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work.  She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.  When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
     
     Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK.  It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk.  When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in...."  The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first and so on.
     
     In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for installing software.  The instructions said to remove the disk from its cover and insert into the drive.  The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.
     
     True story from a Novell Net Wire Sysop:
     Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
     Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
     Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period.  How do I go about getting that fixed?"
     Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
     Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
     Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.  Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show?  How did you get this cup holder?  Does it have any trademark on it?"
     Caller: “It came with my computer.  I don't know anything about ‘promotional
     ’.  It just has '4X' on it."
     At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it… he was roaring with laughter.  The caller had been using the CD-ROM drive load drawer as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.
     
     A woman called the Canon Help Desk with a problem with her printer.  The tech asked her if she was running it under Windows."  The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door.  But that is a good point.  The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is
     working fine."
     
     Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time.  That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.  Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
     Customer: I don't have a 'P'."
     Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob."
     Customer: "What do you mean?"
     Tech: "'P'... on your keyboard, Bob."
     Customer: "I'm not going to do that!

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