January 30, 2002

  • As a public (I'm tempted to say pubic-why?) service response to : RiottGyrrrl’s question:



    Shit, Why can’t I friggen leave?   ::



    Xangacide…or 50 ways to leave your Xanga


    "The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
    The answer is easy if you take it logically
    I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
    There must be fifty ways to leave your Xanga. ... "



    1) Forget your password and be too dumbstruck to retrieve it.
    2) Include deadly javascript in a single otherwise innocent  post.
    3) Be the pilot of the plane and parachute to safety as the subscribers crash in the experimental wreckage (James--last post was *email*--let's hope it wasn't airmail).
    4) Discover, overwhelmingly, Real Life for the very first time.
    5) Post a self-autologin (like I did for God and Goddess) and wait for someone else to hijack it.
    6) Load your PC up with kiddie and snuff porn and wait for a sting (…incoming!)
    7) Delete your posts one by one, one day at a time, always updating their timestamp to the current day until you've regressed to the original *I just created my site and haven't started my weblog yet.*
    8) (for cowards): Create a distant and unseen alias.  Flame it with your primary identity endlessly and relentlessly.  Complain via your alias to the Xangods that you are being harassed savagely by the primary identity.  And wait for termination.
    9) Using script, autoforward your page to a random Xangeroo (like I have for notforpeeps ).  Be too naïve to know how to undo it.
    10) Experience complete and irreversible amnesia.  But first make sure that your username isn’t *amnesia* and your password isn’t *iforgot*.
    11) Go so broke that if you had a PC in your hands you’d have to pawn it even if it wasn’t yours.
    12)  Be sharing your password with your bf or gf when you publicly cheat on her/him with her/his  best friend.
    13) Post and publicize intimate sexy photos that fellow bloggers have privately sent you and then disappear knowing full well if you ever post again, you will need to have a server-readable IP address and they will find you out and they will hunt you down!
    14) Create a voodoo effigy of your Xanga self.  Prick it with pin props until it bleeds (this reminds me of www.pinstruck.com!!).  Of course, it will never bleed, so you’ll be pricking it forever and never again have the time to blog.
    15) Make a New Year’s Resolution to blog everyday.  Knowing that you always break your resolutions, you’ll probably end up disgusted and never blog again.
    16) Swear to finish a small task before you’ll allow yourself your very next blog…like memorizing the dictionary.
    17) Go get that long-postponed lobotomy after all.
    18) Talk only in colors, think only in sounds, write only in glyphs, and dance voluptuously with wolves.
    19) You know, downstairs, around, when the bars close, and anything goes, and my fantasies ring true, and I’m alone with you…who needs Xanga????
    20) …


    Ayiiieee!  I can’t think anymore—there are nothing but sounds!



    Anyone, anyone…20??….



    …50)  Post with a list 50 items long.  It’s the ultimate meltdown, the ultimate kiss of death.  For your post and your blog too.  Nobody will suffer such a prolonged interminable indefinitude.  Might as well be waging a State-of-the-Union watch against terrorism and Osama-$1,000,000,000-a-month-what’s-his-name??

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