notforprophet

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So what’s the point in taking down the Christmas lights? I had mine up all year from the prior Christmas and they still worked fine this year too. So it isn’t a matter of protecting them from the elements. If anything, too much pulling and handling and dropping and manipulated storing of the lights will cause them to malfunction—not leaving them soundly installed as is.

Well, some people say “but they’re Christmas lights” implying that they should be used only during Christmas and then observantly taken down. And, of course, the display of “Christmas lights” probably derives from the seasons of both Christian Advent when candles are lit in anticipation of Christmas and Hanukkah when the Menorah candles are lit to signify the occurrence of that holiday. So there naturally is that seasonal tie-in. Yet here in the coming spring, the observance of Candlemas is upon us when once again certain celebrants will light candles in windows to signify the return of Spring, the Virgin Mary, whatnot and light. So why not retain the decorative lights as surrogates of these candles too?

Then again nowadays it seems that a lot of peeps are beginning to display Easter lights and Halloween lights and Thanksgiving lights and you-name-it lights. And there are certain solemn occasions when we are all asked as a community to turn on our “outdoor light” at night in commemoration of significant events—this coming 9-11 may be such a night/day—wouldn't it be nice if instead of one lonely unnoticeable door light we all had impressive, enriching displays? And wouldn’t it be highly advantageous, too, to have a display of outdoor lights that flashed wildly if you had to call 911 from home for an emergency—fire or burglar or even attempted murder? Some car alarm systems use flashing headlights and/or beacons to draw attention to a triggered alarm, so why shouldn’t our homes automate that too? And haven’t you ever given an out-of-town acquaintance precise numerical directions to your house, night-obscured address sign and all, but wished instead that you could have simply told them to find the street and then look for the flashing red and green front-of-house display?? And haven’t you ever had a hot date come over at night and wished that you had had cool seductively blue beacons casting a romantically-azure glow up to the anticipated moment of passionate ingress??

So what’s needed is not many different sets of lights that you unknot, put up, take down, and pack in frantic unceremonious procession but an All Season Several Holiday (ASSHOL) Lighting System that can be employed year-round for any imaginable use. Such displays could consist of miniaturized and encapsulated TFT (thin film transistor) displays customizable into any design or simply strew through a matrix field that could be integrated into and programmed by a computer in your home to display the colors, the intensities, the flashing frequencies (if any) and patterns of lighting best fitted to your immediate requirements or changing moods.

Damn, this sounds so good that I can’t wait! So maybe I’ll invent it and be the first ASSHOL on my block to win such cutting-edge acclaim!