February 28, 2001

  • I should probably be frightening the crap out of everyone today.  The phrase “with extreme prejudice” resounds again and again—as if an order—in my head.  Is that my prior military training flashing back or merely some pathology infecting my mind? Feeling unlackadaisical even though lost, I ‘m like a wandering renegade samurai with an unsheathed sword.  It would seem like I should be able to render all insensate with a single swift swing.  But I don’t know why I am not projecting this terror….

    So I walk into a coffee shop and assume a place in line.  While waiting, I notice a utility razor with a projecting blade sitting on a freshly opened stack of today’s newspapers. As the line peels away and I get my turn, the attendant asks me promptly what she can get for me.  Deftly with a  warrior’s acumen, I grab the utility knife, thrust it towards her—handle jutting first,  cutting edge towards me—insisting “No,… what can I get you?”, my question building in a purposefully powerful crescendo.  She giggles nervously, then graciously disarms me (disarmed by a woman again—is that my life’s story?).  She still awaits my answer…*taps*… as I gaze around and then up to the daily bulletin board.  It features a daily trivia question that gives 10 cents off your purchase for a correct response.  Today’s question is: “What are the ashes made out of that are used on Ash Wednesday?”    Without thought or emotion, I unblithely blurt out: “The teeth of pagans’ slain pet dragons.”  The girl humors me, “You’re right!”  But I add quickly, “Palm fronds, of course.”  She nods once in acknowledgement, and follows-up laughingly, “I like your first answer better!” 


    Damn it, girl.  I’m shoving knives at you, I’m speaking of dragon’s teeth without even smiling, I’m right on the edge of primal defilements--and your reception of me is so pleasantly cordial???   I give up!  What’s the use!  Smile back and say gently , “I’ll have a medium to go, dear.”  


    …the Beast next turns his attention to the deadly cream and sugar.

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