When shall IT begin?  (No, not the unsuspected comet strike streaking from behind the Sun towards Earth, but the major foray of attack upon Iraq, or, from your vantage point, U-Reek)?"

The General (1-Star) in me says: Thursday at High Noon - or shortly thereafter (the beginning of U-reek-ian tomorrow night...or thereabouts).

How many shall die?

Are you talking about how many people die in the world every day, day-in, day-out?  Ha! Any human-induced activity can make only a small blip in the expirations arising from such sex-driven-ness.  Or do you mean: How many American soldiers will die in the above referenced cataclysm (no, not the comet, but the occasion when 'you totally reek')?

The General (2-star) in me says: 217.  But more than half of those will be by 'friendly fire'.  Meaning either you or your buddy, half the time, is a fuck-up.  Hey, someday war will become obsolete when the only victims are those from 'friendly fire'.

How long will it last? 

Longer than the longest orgasm, but...

The General (3-Star) in me says: 3 days and Saddam is sowing daisies, or sucking on a daisy-cutter, or choking on peanut butter.  Then 2 weeks to scrub out the Republican Guards. Bush&The Republican Party vs. the Republican Guards, ha! :: Oh my god, it's self-annihilation, it's terminological reclamation. it's Publican Re-incarnation.

The General (4-star) in me says: Riddance, good to middling.

So let’s say your Saddam and you’ve been told to leave Dodge by first light (Baghdad time) or else…

How would you spend your last night before the Showdown and Shootout at the Baghdad Corral?

1) In a local saloon drinking hard liquor, making the girls happy, and playing hands of poker.

2) The same as above but with ‘additional’ aces up my sleeve.

3) Watching CNN News to catch the very latest developments with the faint hope that North Korea goes ballistic first.

4) Making calls to France, Germany, and Russia to thank them for their futile efforts but to inform them that the ‘secret deals’ will no longer be honored.

5) In an underground firing range pumping George Bush targets full of explosive rounds.

6) Playing with a Ouija board and asking Micky Mouse for guidance and, hopefully, victory passes to DisneyWorld.

7) Hanging out with Bin Laden since they haven’t found him yet, so his pad is probably safe.

8) Running around a cemetery since any angel of death seeing me would mistake me for nfp and thus pass me over.

9) Riding around Baghdad at 120-140 mph in a Spyder sports car—always wanted to do that and this might be the last chance.

10) At a masquerade ball dressed up as a battered Cinderella while everyone else is required to pose either as Saddam the Great or Bin (Laden) the Beautiful!

Or…_________________________________________________.

Any better suggestions will be sent along to Mr. SoDamn Insane, but hurry—time's running out.