July 23, 2002

  • What’s shaking in my world?


    During lunch yesterday, I had a “ring-side seat” as I watched two men engage in bare-handed battle on the corner of a busy downtown street.  Actually, I was just walking past them as the fight erupted and I needed to make space or I would have become involved in the melee.  It seems they were locked in apparent mortal combat over a little blonde sweetie with a baby nearby who kept yelling “Stop it.  Stop it.”   As both landed hard blows to each others’ face, the fighting abruptly stopped, but not because the outcome had been decided.  Rather, both combatants happened to notice a police squad car around the corner taking a great interest in the contest.  Thereupon, both not wishing to go to jail, they hugged each other, giving high fives and jiving, pretending that it was just a playful scuffle involving benign aggression.  LOL.  As the spectacle subsided, I walked past the squad car and said to the driver, “You know, they weren’t just having fun.”  The cop just nodded in acknowledgement with a dismayed grin on his face.


    This morning I freed a captive sparrow from a stairwell in a garage by propping open the rooftop door and chasing the bird up three flights of stairs to freedom.  Then I wondered somewhat existentially: Will there someday be someone to chase me up the stairway to heaven to the precipe of my portal to freedom?!


    Last night I realized that there is a whole, though small, genre of individuals still secreted sexually away in our cultural closet.  They are so concealed and obscure that until this very moment they have not even been acknowledged with a name.  Perhaps in so naming them now, I can chase their bird up the three flights of stairs to freedom, to “outing”, too?!  They are…


    The Suisexuals : men and women who have the capability to perform oral on themselves and engage in and prefer that most intensely over anything or anybody else.  Although having some of the trappings of both masturbation and lesbian/homosexual relations, I believe that this genre is psychologically unique in reifying true narcissism at its primal core.   Like Narcissus, they have fallen in love with their own image and have no need of the fading Echoes of others for their sexual fulfillment.  Can you imagine a yoga regime or surgical intervention whose aim would be to make Suisex available on demand?!  Damn.  For the right Yogi or the right Doctor, this specialty might prove as popular and lucrative as breast implants.


    Now I need to know:  Is or is not a *tickle* the next best thing to an *orgasm* which is the next best thing to a *kiss*  ??

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