June 28, 2002

  • The following has led me to a reconsideration of resuming my practice of the martial arts:


    Chi Kung is an ancient Taoist art of body control (it dates back to 2700 BC) and claims to resist disease, retard aging, prolong virility, and for all I know give oneself X-ray vision. Some have taken this unique art to new heights, claiming to achieve sexual nirvana by strapping weights to their penises and doing repetitive lifts. No kidding.


    Practitioners of this brand of Chi Kung begin their sessions with an hour-long warm-up to stimulate the senses through breathing routines and stretches. After the blood has been stimulated, the men retreat to a small room and dress down to nothing but a T-shirt and a blue cloth wrapped around the midsection (nudity is strictly taboo). After the penis has been manually stimulated, barbells are then hooked onto a coat-hanger-like apparatus, which is tied securely around the base with a scarf. Students then commence the workout, which consists of several swinging and lifting motions designed to really work the muscles. Beginners start out with two and-a-half pounds, and some have eventually progressed to hefting truly colossal weights—we're talking in the hundreds of pounds. A striking demonstration of this was made in 1995 by a Hong Kong master named Mo Ka Wang, who lifted over 250 lbs. two feet off the floor. Sounds pretty impressive, and even if the supposed benefits fall flat you'll at least have an extra method of carrying groceries.


       --from www.sexualrecords.com


    Oh-oh-oh-oh...

    Everybody was Chi Kung fighting,
    those jerks were fast as lightning...
    In fact it was a little bit fright'ning,
    but they came with expert timing...

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