May 22, 2002

  • And here now, from Ohio, arguably the heartland of America, comes...


    Underoos!



    Girls over 14 need not apply.


    Proudly displaying *wink wink* and *eye candy* graphics on the front (since on this girlie thong there is no appeciable rear), Abercrombie and Fitch spokeperson Hampton Carney describes these skimpy skeevies now hitting their store shelves as "cute and fun and sweet." 


    Apparently designed for the 10-14 year-old sex-conscious (if not hungry) female, this apparel fails to go where undies always went before.


    Personally, I'm appalled that the store is publicly discriminating against girls younger than 10.  Just listen:


    "It's not appropriate for a 7-year-old, but it is appropriate for a 10-year-old.  Once you get about 10, you start to care about your underwear, and you start to care about your clothes."


    What we have here is a moral breakdown of tremendous proportions on a national scale!  Why haven't we done more to make 7-year-old girls caring about their skimpy skivvies, too?  Once again, it seems, we've failed to reach out to our much-ignored single-digit-aged youth and instill them with the proper aesthetic impulse to care for sexy underwear.  What a sad day, indeed.


    Yet, you 7-years-olds out there, take heart: Though Abercrombie and Fitch does not consider these appropriate for you, they've actually made them in a size small enough to comfortably accomodate your average teenie booty. Yes!  But just remember, if you're underage (10) and you dare to wear these, you might invite unwanted lewd comments and a scandalizing brandishment of being "risque".  But if you're a mature 7-years-old, you'll be able to cope with the controversy--right?

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