May 10, 2002

  • Damn Communist propaganda, I say!   Why should we believe a word of it? …


    A noodle chef in northern China has broken his own world record, making 2,852 kilometers of noodles from just one kilogram of dough, Chinese state media has reported.

    According to the state-run Xinhua news agency, Li Tao performed the record-breaking feat in a hotel in Handan city in north China's Hebei Province.

    If laid end-to-end, the 2,097,152 noodles would stretch from Beijing to the Philippine capital, Manila -- with a few left over to go in some soup.

    Each noodle was "as fine as silk thread" Xinhua reported, thin enough for 18 of them to pass simultaneously through the eye of a single needle.

    I don’t believe for an instance that there were any more than 1,999,999 noodles and that if laid end-to-end that they’d fall just short of the outskirts of Manila.  And I’m going to call them on this: Damn it, lay those noodles out and prove it you noodle-sucking commies! 


    I’m tired of these end-to-end comparisons.  Like: if all of Bill Gates worth were laid end-to-end in dollar bills they stretch around the solar system.  Arghh!  All I know is that if all of Bill Gates worth were laid end-to-end in dollar bills they’d more than pay my debts as I would enjoin in a walkabout to pick them up one-by one.  By the way, did you know that if all the economists in the world were laid head-to-toe end-to-end that they would fail to reach a conclusion?!


    My real speculation in all these matters is how far all the end-to-end comparisons throughout all of time have taken us so far.  What I mean is that these end-to-end comparisons have been going on for a long time.  So if everything ever that’s been stretched out in such comparisons end-to-end were stretched out together end-to-end (i.e., Bill Gates dough, Chinese noodles, cocktail hotdogs, economists, Trojan condoms, etc.) how far would they all accumulatively reach?  To the Andromeda galaxy?  Beyond?  We need to know!  Because maybe there’s another alien civilization egads-away also stretching “things” out our ways, and when our stretch of end-to-ends reaches their stretch of end-to-ends we’ll, like a Promontory Point, finally have a Close Encounter of the Fourth Kind!


    Now..concerning “Reality Televison Shows” :  What an oxymoron!  You know, I’ve never even watched one anyway.  My thinking: If they are really Reality, really Real Life, they’d be consumed with the lives of peeps like me—hence, not on TV!  The truest “Reality Televison” show is the one that never airs.


    Finally, about those “If you were a fill-in-the-blank , what kind of a fill-in-the-blank  would you be?” tests.   I wonder who in the world has taken the most of those tests?  Can’t you just imagine that there are peeps out there addicted to these things?  Hell, I think most of them are right here on Xanga!  LOL  You know, I’m kind of interested in creating one of these tests myself.  Yes!  And it’s going to be called The “If You Were A 'If you were a fill-in-the-blank, what kind of a fill-in-the-blank would you be?' Test-Taker,  What Kind of A 'If you were a fill-in-the-blank, what kind of a fill-in-the-blank would you be?' Test-Taker Would You Be?” test.   It will consist of at least 2,097,152 questions (stretching from Beijing to Manila) and will yield but one conclusive revelation: “Congratulations.  Since you finished this test in its entirety, you are without doubt The Most Completely Insane ‘If you were a fill-in-the-blank, what kind of a fill-in-the-blank would you be?' Test-Taker alive.


    Having read this post, you also now qualify for Honorable Mention.

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