April 16, 2002


  • It’s my worst nightmare.  I’ve been changed into a frog by the spell of an evil witch.  And instead of being kissed by a beautiful damsel who’s in this dress, I mean, distress, oh hell, I want a princess…anyway, instead of all that, I get informed that a…


    Pesticide is blamed for sexual mutation in frogs


    Male frogs exposed to even very low doses of a common weed killer can develop multiple sex organs -- sometimes both male and female -- researchers in California have discovered.


       -CNN


    Oh great.  Some new-fangled freaky mutant Viagra for kinky amphibians.  Do frogs with multiple sex organs eat more weeds?  Wait—if I develop multiplicity, can I play with myself and have babies?


    Asked if atrazine might also be a threat to people at low levels, Hayes (the researcher) said he did not know, adding that, unlike frogs, "we're not in the water all the time."


    "There is virtually no atrazine-free environment," Hayes said.

    Oh that’s super, too.  Not in water, but guess what, the water’s in me.  Is he suggesting that I curtail my showers or not take a swim in the lake?  And if I get caught out in a rainstorm, should I just stop off at the department store and buy jock-strapped modified panties in addition to an umbrella?

    "I'm not saying it's safe for humans. I'm not saying its unsafe for humans. All I'm saying is it that it makes hermaphrodites of frogs," he said.

    Now that is SO reassuring.   All it does, not much , mind you , you see , is irreversibly fuck up animal sexuality.

    Stanley I. Dodson of the University of Wisconsin at Madison called the work "the most important paper in environmental toxicology in decades.

    Asked if people should be worried, he also said: "We don't know."

    We don’t know? We don't know?!  Well, I know.  People will worry.  Some will worry about becoming hermaphrodites.  Others will worry about not becoming hermaphrodites.  And then there are still others who will be worried that it’s going to change the yummy taste of pickled frog legs.

    "It's like a canary in the mine shaft sort of thing," Dodson said, referring to the former practice of miners of bringing canaries with them as warnings of dangerous gases.

    Former practice because most of the miners never noticed that the canaries were perched up dead against the cage until they themselves started to develop multiple organs on their shafts?  And as they grasped and gasped and orgasmed in futile rage, the caves collapsed?

    Well, this is not for me!!  So either a beautiful princess will need to rescue me soon with a transformingly luscious kiss, or I will mutantly spawn my own female aspect and save myself!

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