My running in Dreamland (Lake View Cemetery) is well-recorded on this blog.  For instance, if I remark that I ran 19 miles in Dreamland last weekend, many of you will have heard of such reports before.  (It was still true, nonetheless.)  But what I’ve never spoken about before are the little self-tricks that I often submit myself to in order to get the running done. 

For instance, last Sunday I ran seven tortuous miles in horrendously humid 90-degree air under blazing Sun.  I doubted, shortly after my start, that I’d finish even two miles, though I had set out with an intention to run five.  And so, underway but faltering, I re-challenged myself to run three at a minimum.  And pushed on.  By lessening my expectation of myself, I was able to heroically push on. 

When I finally reached the shirt-soaked two mile mark I had initially doubted I could finish, I told myself: “Okay, those two were just the last  two miles of the five you originally started out to run—now you’ve still got those first  three to run.  But only three.  Remember: you re-challenged yourself to those three.  And three are all that are left—the first  three.” 

O what a sleight of mind!  Ah, what tortured self-logic to get tricked by!  My hope and expectation remained three.  I stayed in the ‘three mode’.  I had been doing three.  I could still do just three.

However, after weltering on and on and finally as I was  nearing completion of those cunning, treacherous, interposing three miles, I suddenly re-attained my senses, came intellectually clean, and acknowledged my self-delusion: “Okay, so those first two miles weren’t actually the ‘last two’ and these three are clearly not the ‘first three’.  They are, in fact, only the middle three.  So run two more now just for pretending to be so clever with yourself.” 

And so, self-chastised, I did.  Had I started out, however, to run 7 miles and counted straightforwardly up, I would have faded after just a few without a doubt.

Do you ever delude yourself to achieve a greater end?

You break in two.
I am a witness.
I sniff for glue, get a whiff,
but get too high before I can harness it
and to your break apply.