February 14, 2005

  • Is there a stupider holiday than Valentine’s Day?


     


    If you answer “Sweetest’s Day”, then you’re my kind of lover.


     


    No. I’m not bashing love or chocolate. (or love of chocolate.)  Merely the ritualized imposterizations that commercially attempt to hijack true romance and  render it a shallow, wanton ritual.  Commercialization.  Commercialization is a perversion, right?  Maybe we should go back to the roots of this holiday to find its true meaning?


     


    Take Cupid. 


     



     


    A winged baby with a little bow and arrow bringing lovers together?  Hell no.  In Roman times, he was a god who took the form of a horny, insatiable youth going about the countryside getting all the girls and goddesses pregnant.  Raw unsugary sex, baby.  And, believe it, his arrow was no dildo.


     


    And Valentine.  Who the hell was he?  We know he was a priest who wrote love letters of sorts.  Well, given what we today know about the kinky predilections of the priesthood, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the object of his romantic overtures wasn’t a pre-teen girl.  Or boy. 


     


    The Romans called  this holiday Lupercus. Their priests “purifed” young naked maids by whipping them with a whip made of goat leather (called ‘februa’ – February, anyone?!) after which the girls would sneak off to make babies.  Except Augustus Caesar used the occasion of this roman holiday to totally humiliate girls and women who were childless—whipping them hard as a form of public derision. 


     


    Oh joy.  Show your love.  Whip someone today.

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