November 16, 2004

  • I feel like I haven't written forever!


    Don’t you love it when a xangan says that?  It’s been ‘like’ 3 days, and you, as an objective reader, have a good grasp of that timeset.  But the prodigal xangan seems to feel it’s been time without end.  It’s almost like the blogger has felt bereft of a romantic lover, where the separation of hours turned into lifetimes and the chasm of a few days into an eternity.


    And…then.  To be back.  After the forever of 3 days.  So strange.


    The act of re-emerging from a cocoon of non-xanga reality back into the Garden of Xanga can be awkwardly orienting.  Am I going to fit in?  Has xanga so changed in my absence that I no longer have a place?  Maybe the old “they-all-moved-on-without-me-as-a-cohort” syndrome kicks in.  Maybe those childhood feelings revive of when you were sick for a spell and the class bandied-on like a driven herd to greener academic pastures to leave you in a field of nothing but your own non-informing, bed-sore denuded roots?


    But…


    Maybe you don't want to ruck around  with the crowd anymore.  Maybe you have discovered  the solitude amidst denuded things to be most interesting.  In your absence, you've found a new fascination with tears, breaches, rents, gaps, the wrenching open of the earth, and the embracing abyss…which would beckon you by name, except that it blackhole-sucks so hard that even its hypothetical voice is part of the swooshing-in tingle that you feel, but can't hear.


    You’ve succumbed to darkness.  Even ‘abandoning hope’ is way back ‘there’.  There is no return.  Only neverwhere.



    And not even the Witness Protection Program could do you this good.

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