November 1, 2004

  • I just don’t understand why banks don’t stay open late on Halloween to hand out treats.


     


    What does it mean if I find a penny in my shoe heads up?


     


    If it’s been more than a month since you’ve found a rock in your shoe, you haven’t been out hiking enough.


     


    If your childhood was a pill, would you swallow it with a) water, b) a beer, c) swallowing gel, or d) force it down the throat of your worst enemy?


     


    (What the hell is swallowing gel?)


     


    Terror has been around as long as warfare.  In fact, ALL wars embrace terror.  Hence, anything called “a War on Terror” is akin terminologically to a “Campaign against Crusades”.  In the past, to distinguish our terror from their terror, we instead called ‘them’, not terrorists, but Barbarians (named after Barbara, the strange one). The only problem with that now is that Conan is one of us.


     


    If you were stranded on a deserted tropical island, and you found a buried chest that contained an originally-wrapped 40-year-old Twinkie and a 40-year-old rusty can of SPAM, which would you eat first?                        Answer: It’s a tropical island: eat the coconuts.


     


    Put a clothespin on your nose.  Put a straw in your mouth and keep it there with your mouth shut for a day.  Now try to breathe and eat.  See how lucky you are.


     


    I’ve got plenty of nothing.  Want some?

    Not a member of Xanga? Leave comments here.

Comments (248)

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment

notforprophet

Recent Posts

Categories

The End of Days

November 2004
M T W T F S S
« Oct   Dec »
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930