April 8, 2004

  • Yesterday, while running 4 miles of laps in (around) Dreamland (one of the most beautiful cemeteries on land), I heard my muse gossip: "He's running angry."  My immediate response: "No I'm not!"  I was, in fact, immediately infuriated by such wispy hearsay.  But 30 steps more of watching myself pound the pavement convinced me that the observation was true: I am one angry running motherfucker.  Okay, now that that's out of the way...


    I was in the process of writing a book entitled "Government's Greatest Achievements" when I realized it could never be published because publishers universally refuse to publish a book that has only one page.


    I'm a little pissed that it's spring already and I'm not as lean as I'd like to be.  No, I'm not bacon. But I'm not 97% lean ground round either.  I'm contemplating fasting, burning incense, staring at the moon.  Maybe I'll just allocate myself one grain of rice for every word I blog.  That would surely get me thin while helping my blogging output, too. 


    Did you know that in the fairy tale of "Jack and the Beanstalk" that the Giant was initially a freeloader in Jack's father's house?  Yep, and Jack and his mom and dad were rich!  But the Giant turned upon the graciousness of his patrons and killed the father, plundered the mansion, and forced Jack and his mom into poverty.  Listen to the old crone that purposely traded the beans to Jack for the cow in order to induce Jack upon a path of righteous vengeance:


    "Having gained your father's confidence, he knew where to find all his treasure: he soon loaded himself and his wife, set the house on fire in several places, and when the servants returned the house was burnt to the ground." 


    That's shocking.


    Missing out on such essential details when this story was related to me as a child, I now feel that the education of children would be better served by replacing 'kindergarten' with  'faeriegarten'. For one year, skilled storytellers steeped in mythic traditions would enrich kids with the true fairestory revelations and lessons rather than merely entertain them with stripped-down action comic sequences as is now so sadly the case.


    Now that I think of it, the 'educational system' is probably the Giant that has plundered our intellectual inheritance.  Time to take back the Golden Hen.

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