notforprophet

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I hope everybody had a fruitful Weaster Eekend. Certainly Easter is one of those holidays when a great deal of dormant religious sentiment inflates itself and church attendance spikes. I actually believe that the spiking behavior in church attendance, as you’ll oft see at Easter and Christmas, is non-hypocritical and healthy: if you’re not going to have a ‘sell-out’ on church seating every week, you might as well have a huge, rumbling turnout on the highest holy days.

But if religious sentiment can so inflate (and resultantly deflate thereafter), why not provide an Inflatable Church (deflatable also)to match? Well, ask and you shall receive:

The air-filled building — 47ft high from ground to steeple — is the brainchild of inventor Mike Gill.

Inside it has blow-up organ, altar, pulpit, pews, candles and a gold cross. The 47ft long by 25ft wide church has plastic “stained glass” windows.

And the door is even flanked by air-filled angels.

I wonder how popular Christian Inflatable Churches would be if they started showing up now in countless abundance in Iraq to service our copious amounts of Christian troops? hahaha “Don’t worry,” we’d tell the Muslim clerics, “these are interim and fully deflatable.”

The true utility of the Inflatable Church, however, may not become manifest until the Last Days. Let’s say that the Last Days are upon us and either the majority of humanity is convinced of this through pure religious conversion or by incontrovertible scientific evidence (“Yes, the killer asteroid will without any doubt destroy the earth in 27 days!” kind-of-thing). Of course, at the very, very end, a great outpouring would choose to pass the final moments of earthly existence in ‘God’s House’, if for no other reason than that it would be ‘good insurance’. (Okay, I know, I’ll still find some of you peeps down at the corner bar )

The only trouble would be that there wouldn’t be enough churches and spacing to accommodate everybody then. Strange as it may seem, all the religions that project an upcoming gospel end of the world have not built for it!!! Otherwise, current church ‘excess capacity’ would approximately accommodate the entire population—and it grossly falls short. So right now, if the timing of the ‘Last Days’ undeniably set in, people would be rushing to get into churches, trampling each other for a space or a seat with a result of extreme overcrowding, religious stampedes, and potentially horrible catastrophes (fires and building collapse).

Of course, if the world is going to end anyway, maybe fires in overcrowded churches and churches collapsing from overabounding capacity would not be seen as really that horrible after all. But wouldn’t it be nice to be around, stick around at least, for the Grand Finale? And the solution, of course, is... the Inflatable Church!

So perhaps I can make my fortune by becoming a Last Days Pentecostal salesman ?! Yes, I will canvass the prophetic leadership of Last Days religions and move them with the realization that they can accommodate the most rumbling church turnout of all time (in fact, the last and most glorious), and thus save even more souls , by stocking up on Inflatable (non-degrading, extremely long shelf-life— lest there's a miscalculation and the world doesn't end tomorrow) Churches today. And, oh yes, I’ll also be selling Holy Air Compressors ™ to provide for infallible and quick ascension.

Besides, even if the world doesn’t end anytime soon, can you think of a more fitting home than a Plastic Church for Plastic Jesus?