January 15, 2003

  • I watched a bagel get guillotined this morning.  It was still bagelling even after is slithered apart. *gasp*


     


    Scrambling eggs is tantamount to beating fetuses.  Eating scrambled eggs is equivalent to delineating your stomach as a jumbled mass grave.  I eat hard-boiled egss instead: one by one by one…


     


    Solution to ‘scalding coffee’ lawsuits at restaurants: have a lid that first passes the coffee through a heat-sensitive chamber that will self-seal if the coffee is ‘too hot’, i.e., scalding, and will unseal when the coffee cools to a tolerable temp.


     


    What’s the longest straw that you can drink through?  If the straw is ‘too long’, you’ll never pull the sucked stuff through.  Rather, it will keep going back and forth.  They call that ‘physiological dead space’ in respiratory therapy: if the breathing tube is too long, the patient will never get the oxygen, but keep on resucking old (and deadly) exhalant.  Has anyone ever heard of a straw-sucking competition?


     


    Remember the song: One Is The Loneliest Number  ?
    (Originally written and performed by H. Nilsson) 


     


    One is the loneliest number
    That you'll ever do
    Two can be as bad as one
    It's the loneliest number since the number one…

    That is so untrue!  The uniform distribution of digits of randomly selected numbers states that ‘one’ is no more or less ‘lonely’ than any other digit.  And, if you’re dealing with real world numbers that are socially or naturally related (not just purely, randomly contrived), then, according to Benford’s Law, ‘one’ is not only NOT the loneliest number, it is the most gregarious number of all!  The number ‘1’ ,as the first digit of socially or naturally related numbers, occurs actually about 30% of the time!  ‘Number 9’ is essentially the loneliest, occurring first only about 5% of the time.  So if you ever need to ‘fudge’ a set of 'realistic' numbers and want to avoid suspicion: ($234, $1256, $1690, $681, $16, $335, $47…there!)


     


    But I'm at an entire loss as how to 'fudge' fudge (see: Fudge for Father's  Day) .

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