Believe this: shyness is only reincarnation's way of procrastinating.

Do you want to live your life now--or wait for the next?

Are you ready for some real  Reality TV?  then...

Next up: Masturbators

Yes, furtively following you even into the privacy of your own bathroom, you shall be surprisingly revealed by those who are far sexually stronger than you and so morally fit as to not ever touch themselves 'there', as a self-flagellator. And those sitting at home masturabating as they watch others like you captured masturbating on this show shall be soon busted too. Promise.

Yesterday, a metal door handle shattered (no, it did not merely 'come off', but actually tore metal from metal at the shaft) in my left hand.  I would have felt like Superman except the shorn metal cut into my flesh embedding years of darkened tarnish under my skin.  Yes, I was pulling hard.  No, I was not hyped up on coke.  No, I don't have a thing against door handles.  And, no, it was not a case of mistaken or sublimated masturbation.

And, yes, damn it, I have the bruises and cuts to prove it.