October 18, 2001

  • have you ever killed a rat?  with a bat?  in  a bathroom?  after it climbed up through the toilet after a flooding storm?  even as the toilet with swirling turds was being flushed? and as you rushed out of there with your hangerpants (pants and underpants hanging down), it went airborne for your neck and jumped up against the slammed bathroom door with you on the outside and it slumping, crashing back down to the floor?  and you thought about taking it out with a bow and hunting arrows because that's a deadly combo in your hands but then you realized you'd have to let it out to get a clear shot?  and you didn't want to do that because it might find a place to hide in the house, so instead you found a baseball bat and proceeded to re-enter the charged bathroom arena ready for combat?  but it was waiting for you as you opened the door again and looked like Rocky the Flying Squirrel just before you slammed the door back closed once more?  and so the next time you entered, you scared it back first and then closed yourself in with it for the fight to the death?  and it alternately cried like a banshee and then like a baby trying to lull you into a second of quiescence--the one second it would need to lash back?  but instead you went ballistic nearly cracking the porcelain toilet bowl before bashing in its hissing head?  did you ever have the need to do that?


    *looks innocent*

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