October 16, 2001

  • The Secrets of Happy Blogging


    1) Hide.  Hide away forever in prolific obscurity.  Unveil the fire in your soul with such an entirely eruptive cosmic insistence, that hidden, it yet remains a Sphinxlike mystery to all.


    2) Remember: If you say, you don't know; if you know, you don't say.  If you say you don't know ( "I know Nothing!"), you're Sgt.  Schultz !


    3) If you get discovered, don't vapor lock. Be generous with effusively kind remarks for your subscribers though in the midst of this most personal of disappointments.


    4) If your a guy, look out for the girls.  If your a girl, look out for the guys.  If you're virgilmvx, well, then just look out!


    5) Never wonder where anyone on the blog has "gone".  Either they have gone yonder to the Happy Blogging Ground or they've regained their sanity and are now likely silently assisting you to do the same.  In other words, don't worry, be happy :)


    6) Begin to recycle your blogs after about a year.  Thus unfettered by the daily need to be ever-newly creative you will thrive!  Don't be too concerned about your readers encountering reruns: most bloggers don't even last a year and so won't be around to reread them; and those that have remained through your first year's gestation ( er...1% ?) have likely abandoned reading you long ago ( hi James!  hi Holly ).  Newer readers + older blogs = immortality!


    7) Keep your sense of humor.  That's right--NEVER share it with anyone.  Else you'll turn out like freddybrakestad : a plastiblogform subject to the endless purgatoriums of snorting readership.  Yes, you're readers will delight, but you?  You'll forever wonder if you're even wearing underwear, and be forced to constantly check to reassure yourself one way or the other throughout the day.


    8)


    9)


    10) Never become a slave to the expectations of your readers.  Were you expecting more for 8) ?  for 9)??  I (you) shouldn't care!  If peeps are howling for you to remain the same, dare to be different!  If peeps marvel in and become demonstratively dependent upon your ever-changing blogging facets, don't disdain to hold ground and remain the same!  *Thou must become a conundrum until thyself and thereby recapitulate all the chaos of existence!*--not. 


    11) Remember: if you really knew how much peeps generally think about you, you wouldn't much care what they thought about you.  Love them nonetheless, for amongst them may be your greatest allies and friends!


    12) If in a creative bind and unable to burp up even one original or interesting remark, play with PlayDough or count M&Ms.  But don't eat the PlayDough!


    13) If you have a need to suffer through *the ordeal* of bloggin to be happy, sleep at the keyboard.  You'll wake up remorseless with your sacrifice as a sentinel of the unsaid!


    14)  If you're really schizoid, you've got it made!  Establish as many personalities as you quirkily require and then comment to your most amazing selves.  If you're not so blessed, fear nonetheless to metamorphosize occasionally into another blogging persona.  At last count, I had 58! lol rof lol


    15)  If you don't know how to end a blog (er..well, yes...I have a problem here), just pretend you're Paul Harvey, grab your balls (if you don't have any, pretend) and intonate "Good *now squeeze* Day!"

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