You know who you are...

You kissed me off again with your blog
--do you know how cheap that feels?
I'm pissed off by your log:
why don't you give me something real?

I'm heading downtown to a club
to catch a buzz and feel
as mindless as I need to
to forget that i'm a dream.

Upon a lost post of petal's:

Imagine being the sole possessor of all lost posts, forgotten thoughts, faded memories--for everyone for all time. You could know *nothing* except all that's lost and forgotten. Would madness ensue or brilliance?

I'm about to start teaching in the university on Tuesday and I'm hardly energetically prepared to return. Oh I have the lectures, the powerpoint presentations, the handouts, the homeworks...fairly well aligned. And I've gotten new texts with interactive cd-rom components.... It's just that I'm not yet fired up to resume the *professor* role so soon again. Ill now for 10 days with flu symptoms galore, my voice is still scratchy and my color's too pallid. And I've got so much else going that's all quite undone: two websites for client/friends to update, a client's dental office small network to attend in repair, a client's door and window showroom to refinish that was damaged in a car wreck, a client's half bath to wallpaper ASAP, some cable to run in another dental office...all of that on top of my regular *government* job.

While all I really want to do...is smoke some good weed. I mean, xanga and read.

Predawn Trilogy

i’m not too sick of convictions
nor tired of taming around.
want no gift for my birthday:
hate just sulking in circles out loud.
brooding juices me of my mind’s mood--
won’t dwell long in that moldy doldrum.
a life drained ’s not much worth living;
so why am i sapping again?

you give me nothing to think about
but that’s better than nothing at all.
your predictable roll-out of rhythmic indulgence
leaves me staring blank-faced at the ground.
for just as long as you’ve been here
i’ve been sensing that something must change.
yet as long as you insist to remain near
my life never will get rearranged.

sensuality washes over me
in a sudden whim of remorse
derived from a pure psychic dimension.
first uptight, I ease out
then submit and succumb
to this wasting away of pretensions.
in the end all the verve
that’s ever rattled this earth
is reduced to a single sensation.
and i’m staggered to find
that it’s only my birth.