I've been pretty deathly ill (if not in actuality, so feeling) and didn't go to work today. Totally lost my voice, weak, unable to sleep. The onset of this flu like debilitation was Wednesday midday. But the flu always wracks my body, not my mind. So I pressed on... Though shaking and shivering Wednesday night, I was unable to sleep--maybe due to a combination of analgesics and wine--stayed up doing Xanga until 4:30 AM sharp--so really most likely just an ADDICTION to some self-imposed striving for Xangan perfection--then had to get up at 7:30 to go to work. walkin' Flu-man work was shitty, should NOT have been there but in bed totally--but nobody gives a crap. No woman, no mother, no matron, no TLC--so fuck it I thought--push on. Wrote you--once? twice? Felt blown off by your weblog comment. Said fuck it all, can't devote anything, any more energy, any attention to anything but my own healing. Realized that I'd absolutely repeat the previous near-all-nighter on Xanga *unless* I did something drastic--so shutdown my site: no eProps, no comments, no journals, no presence. Especially no eProps--damn crap gets you watching them. Yeah, I knew i was #3 overall at the end of last year; #1 on the charts on last day of the year; #3 or 4 again overall into this year. Playing the game, playing fair--truly surprised by how well I was publicly received--but playing nonetheless. Went home, tried to sleep, couldn't sleep--now 54 hours with the flu and 3 hours sleep--drank wine, lost my mind. Woke up voiceless and *called* more at *whispered* in sick. Slept mostly, but browsed and commented a little. It's Friday night now and I'm somewhat better. My voice is still crackly but my strength has returned. I've got painting and consulting to knock out this weekend, Still, I'm going to revive the weblog soon--soon as my attention to it is no threat to my health. Thanks for permission--I'll publish that ditty. But don't be surprised if it gets no attention. Doesn't matter--just want to do it cause I thing that your kule

We hardly ever realize that we can cut anything out of our lives, anytime, in the blink of an eye.

The Wheel of Time, Carlos Castaneda